Super Chunk

(There is a strong likelihood that this post isn’t the only one with that title.)  Where have I been, you ask?  Oh, lots of places.  Lots of reading, lots of merry-making, lots of not quite getting things done and being completely okay with that, and then today lots of stuckness and feeling like I’m not getting anywhere.  I swear I have flubbed up 68 different things since I got up this morning.

One of the things I want to work on in 2009 is writing more, as in with a pen on paper.  I think differently when typing than when writing — typing is faster and so much more mutable, and I think I don’t consider my words as much as I do with a physical surface — and I believe that I really need that slow, reflective process for my own well-being.  And at the same time, I have been so long out of the habit of journaling that I shy away from it.  Like this entry, this one we’re in: I’m writing this because I don’t WANT to write things down with a pen right now, because there is some Unpleasant Stuff that I’m going to bump into.  It is too hard, maybe, and I’m more than a little bit scared of it.  So I’m here, which is kind of another thing I’m doing sort of vaguely wrong today.

But there is hope.  I will write a tiny little bit (I promise), and I will get some good sleep, and tomorrow I will play in the snow if it isn’t too cold.  There is Magic Moxieful Challah Bread in the world, and somewhere in New England a person who is far more stuck and sad than I am is finding the grace and support she needs to get through her stuff.  I am glad for the gift of that rabbi in the world, for that woman.  I am glad for grace.  I am thankful.